#40 On reconnecting with your body
and also, surprisingly, with God.
Since the beginning of my coaching journey, one of the things I’ve been fascinated by is the gap between our aspirational beliefs (what we want to believe) and our actual beliefs (the ones that live in our body).
For example, how do you close the gap between the hearing the sermon on Sunday morning and applying those teachings to your life? I often leave church thinking, wow, those were really great points, but how do you live them out? How do you change and become that person?
That aspect, of course, is not the job of a pastor in a sermon on a Sunday morning. They share the gospel truth and point us to Jesus, and it’s up to us and the conviction of the Holy Spirit as to what we do with that information.
I can’t help but wonder, though, if we’re lacking the right tools for transformation. Obviously, it’s the Holy Spirit who produces real heart change. That’s not something we can manufacture ourselves, but neither should we just sit on our hands and wait for a miracle.
Do we know how to believe? (There is actual science and mechanics involved in the process, believe it or not.)
Do we know how to become the kind of person we hear about on Sunday morning, other than trusting God, reading our bible, and praying?1
How does real transformation occur, and how do you partner with God in creating it?
How do we get past the doubts and hangups that are preventing us from stepping into the fullness of who God created us to be?
I’m going to take a sidebar here and say that, in my opinion, the church doesn’t teach these things not only because it’s largely out of their wheelhouse, but also because it’s a different area of expertise and they simply don’t know how. In my experience, the gap between hearing all the things we “should” and “ought to”2 be doing, yet receiving very little practical help on how to actually do those things, has led to a lot of unnecessary shame. It’s easy to think that if we love and follow Jesus diligently enough, we will be able to change our well-worn habits and patterns. Conversely, if we struggle to believe or obey, it’s easy to think there must be something wrong with us. I’m curious what your experience has been? I’d love to hear from you if you’re willing to share!
Lately, the version of this question for me has been, what do you do when forgiveness catches in your throat and you can’t quite get it out?
I mean, I’ve heard many a sermon on unforgiveness lately. (Perhaps it’s divine intervention?) I know God will not forgive me if I don’t forgive others, and not just say I forgive them but really mean it from the heart. While that alone should be enough to sway my indecision, (because it is just a decision, right?), sway me it has not.
What do you do with the feelings of anger and betrayal that accompany an inability to forgive? Those feelings live in your body, as does your heart, and they deserve to be witnessed, processed, and healed. Any decision that involves the heart being on board is not just a decision. A decision is made in the mind, but the heart is in the body, which means the body must be in alignment, too.
You can’t logic your way into authentic forgiveness, and I think this is where much of the discrepancy lies. In the Bible, we are commanded to forgive. It’s easy enough to say the words as we are instructed (most of the time), but it’s an entirely different thing to get your heart on board, as well.
As I was driving around today serving as a taxi service to multiple children, I heard a commercial on a Christian radio station that didn’t sit right with me. I don’t remember all the specifics, but it went something like this: “Grow closer to Jesus today with your phone. Download this app and get a bible verse sent right to you every morning.”
We live in a world where we essentially live our lives on our phones, so why it would be any different with Jesus, I’m not sure. But what I heard through all the noise was, “stare at your screen more and meet Jesus,” and I thought….just….no.
We don’t need another app for that. We don’t need more blue light, cell phone addiction, and dysregulation. We already have way too many tabs open and too many apps cluttering our Home Screen and way, way too much information. What we need is to put our phones down and reconnect with our body, which is the very real and actual temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.
Not an app.3
Not our mind. (I’m as guilty of living here as the next guy.)
Not knowing more, doing more, learning more, striving more.
Just being present and aware of and with the very God in us. Immanuel. Grace. Home.
Because the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I will go as far as to say that if we are disconnected from our body — if we have lost sight of what she desires and needs, or the wisdom she readily offers — then we are disconnected from the Spirit.4
Reconnecting with your body is a wholly underrated way of drawing near to God.
Authentic forgiveness is a bodily response, and in order for your body to offer that up, it needs to feel safe to do so. That begs the question, how do we prime our bodies to forgive?
I certainly don’t know the answer, and if you figure it out please let me know, because I can tell you right now it’s still stuck in my throat. But here are some ways I’m getting curious in the meantime:
What is forgiveness getting caught on? (I mean, it is stuck, right? Is it caught on something, is it simply too big to fit through the airway, or is it something else entirely?)5
What would it take for me to forgive and mean it? (I’m stubborn, so someone just telling me to is not it.)
What is holding onto forgiveness doing for me?
What am I afraid is going to happen if I let it out and forgive?
How does my body feel while holding onto forgiveness, and how would it like to feel instead?
How could I look at this grievance differently?
How could I look at my part in this grievance differently?
Where is God in all of this for me? Am I able to connect with Him in my body?
What does this unforgiveness say about me? Is that who I am?
How could I better align my actions with my core values and beliefs?
Wouldn’t you know, as much as I love to know the answer, solve the mystery, find the solution, and figure it out, there is a peace that comes with not needing to. A sense of being carefree that accompanies not having the answer. A weight lifted in deferring to a higher pay grade.
Maybe THAT is the whole point of forgiveness — freedom.
Glory be.
If this post resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you! Hit “reply” and send me your thoughts or your own stories of struggle and redemption.
Not minimizing these things in the slightest!
My least favorite words in any sermon ever.
And I get that this particular app contains the Word of God, so this analogy breaks down here, but the point I’m trying to make is NOT that we don’t need the Bible. I hope you know that.
Modern American Christianity has encouraged bodily disconnection for decades. Purity culture, anyone? We confused the body, which is made in the very image of God, for the evil pull of the flesh, and we were taught to deny her, suppress her, ignore her, and be incredibly ashamed of her natural, God-given wants, needs, and desires. Don’t get me started on the damage this has done to entire generations, especially people my age. We have a lot of healing work to do, which could be a whole post for another day.
This is how coaches think. 🤓 How fun is that?!?!?! 😅