How to support yourself during a transition
For all the times when your life, nervous system, and capacity don't align
The first time I was conscious of my nervous system revolting was when my now 12-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 4. Looking back, something had been off for months, but it wasn’t until November of 2008 on a Wednesday evening that I decided to take the results of my Google search seriously.
Symptoms I’d attributed to other random, benign causes all showed as diabetes, almost as if they had summarized the last few months of her life in a concise little list.1
My heart sank like a pit into my stomach. And still, my first thought was, “that can’t be right.” It’s amazing what we’re able to rationalize away even though it’s staring us straight in the face. (➡️ feel free to apply that to any area of life, including the current political landscape)
So I called my nurse mother to get her opinion. We were supposed to go to a mom’s group together in the morning, but she agreed that I should call the doctor instead.
Even as I walked into the appointment that morning, I was still waiting for someone to tell me I was wrong. That I was crazy. That somehow I made it all up in my head, because no one in our family is a Type 1 Diabetic. That was never something even remotely on my radar as a potential problem, and believe me, as a chronic over-thinker, the list of potential problems was already quite long.
As it turns out, I wasn’t crazy. But I was a detective long before I claimed it as part of my identity, and I had managed to put all the puzzle pieces together just right. Even the doctor was surprised, because she didn’t even look sick. Usually by the time a child is diagnosed, he said, they are quite ill, have lost a lot of weight, and require a lengthy hospital stay.
This marked a turning point in our lives as parents, and the next season was filled with stress, overwhelm, and fear as we learned how to function as the pancreas of a preschooler in order to keep her alive.
The pancreas is one of the most underrated organs ever, IMO. It did so much that we blissfully and ignorantly took for granted, until, of course, we couldn’t:
The carb counts for every food and drink, the exact numbers for which are sometimes hard to find.
The finger pokes and math adjustments to correct high blood sugar.
The anxiety of stabbing our child with a needle multiple times a day.
The constant worry that her blood sugar would drop too low and she would die, especially during the night.
We lived at the very edge of our capacity and beyond, and my body shouldered the burden of that reality for many months. Even now when we have a keytone scare, which sometimes requires hospitalization for fluids, or when I meet a parent of a freshly diagnosed Type 1 hero, I can still feel that familiar grip of panic in my chest. It never really goes away — it simply becomes easier to manage as you slowly adjust to a new normal with a more resilient nervous system.
That’s what I want to equip you to do today — learn how to take care of yourself and manage your nervous system when you are in a season of adjustment and expansion. Because life is full of them, and you don’t have to have a diabetic child to experience this transition.
Other times I’ve walked through this include but aren’t limited to:2
after every baby was born (there were 5 😅)
acquiring a puppy/new dog
school transitions: starting school (endless messages, expectations, papers to read/sign/file, schedules to manage, etc.) and beginning summer break
prepping for a big event like a vacation, and often the vacation itself
living with a high-maintenance AuDHD child (pre-medication)
being a mom of multiples under age 5
the holidays (whyyyyyy do they have to happen every year)
the baby coming to live with us last January
starting a new job or learning a new role/position
grieving a loss
For a long time, however, I wasn’t aware of what was happening in my body or that anything could be done about it. I just thought life was really hard, stressful, and overwhelming at the moment, and although I knew it would eventually get better, I thought all I could really do was grit my teeth and get through it.
I did just that, but I was miserable in the process. I was a reactive and stressed out mom to my other kids. I was an overwhelmed and paralyzed partner. My inability to manage my body and emotions negatively affected everyone else in the room.
📣 BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY! I know this now, and I hope what follows will help you understand what’s possible for you, too.
This is fresh at the moment because I started a new job recently,3 and it has been a markedly different experience than in the past. It doesn’t mean my nervous system isn’t acting up — it for sure is — but expecting that, in combination with the skills I’ve learned, has made a world of difference! Here they are in no particular order:
Self-awareness
I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power, and knowing is easily half the battle. It’s what you don’t know you don’t know that creates most of your problems. That said, self-awareness is key. Being aware of what’s happening in your body, anticipating how your body will react in certain circumstances, and proactively giving her what she needs makes a big difference. This is simply loving yourself well! Your body is like a mirror, and she will reflect how well you’re caring for her…or not.
Nervous system regulation
If awareness is half the battle, intentional regulation is the other. You can’t talk yourself out of overwhelm or an anxiety spiral because a bodily response requires a bodily solution. One of the best ways to reduce stress and regulate your nervous system is physical activity. Dancing, shaking, running, rebounding, and walking are great stress reducers and helpful for processing emotions, not to mention completely free! You can also quickly shift your emotional state and stress level with breathing techniques, like box breathing, which can be used anytime, anywhere.
Creating margin
No matter the urgency or business of this season of life, it’s so necessary to create some time, however small, where you can be “off.” Space where you can literally rest, recharge and reset, do something that brings you joy, or feed the creative appetite of your soul. If you are constantly “on,” your body will remain in a state of fight or flight, which, over time, will ultimately lead to burnout. Research shows that our brains are rewired during moments of stillness, such as deep sleep, meditation, and relaxation.
Proactive communication
“I need help.”
“This is what I need to succeed.”
“I won’t be able to do that today, so I’m going to need you to handle it.”
I’ve always had an incredibly supportive partner who often takes better care of me than I do myself, and yet, I still feel guilty for not being able to do it all. When I try to do it all, though, I wind up stressed out of my gourd and passively aggressively blaming everyone else for my lack of assertiveness. 👀 That’s not who I want to be.
So seriously, ask for help. Communicate your needs. Remember you’re not an island, people love you, and they’d be happy to support you and respect your boundaries if given the opportunity. If you can’t bring yourself to do this even though you want to, let’s talk.
Managing your mind
During one of my client-heavy days, I finally caught a thought that was completely stressing me out: “I don’t have time for this.”
I was letting the dogs outside when I heard it. I could feel the tension in my chest, the shallowness of my breath, the panic racing through my mind. In the background, the preschooler was whining for a snack, I had to go to the bathroom, and I had another client in 15 minutes.
Immediately, I replaced that limiting belief with, “I have all the time I need.” To accomplish what’s important. To get to my meeting on time. To be present and available for the next client. And I felt the exhale as I let the dogs back inside, told a child to get the baby a snack, and went back upstairs to my office, relieved.
Our thoughts take their cues from our body, so if our body is experiencing a stress response, our thoughts will reflect that. Catch the thought, calm the body, calm the mind. Repeat.
Aligned habits
It’s helpful to give your body what it needs during times of transition and not create any more resistance than necessary. Things I already know that dysregulate my nervous system: coffee on an empty stomach, skipping meals, poor/not enough sleep, alcohol, too much caffeine, being rushed, too much sensory input, too much people-ing and not enough quiet (introvert probs), doom scrolling, and constantly checking my phone.
Set yourself up for success during a difficult season by making sure your basic needs are met first and consistently, then build from there. This isn’t the season to embark on a spring cleaning spree or reorganize the garage, unless that somehow fills your joy tank, in which case I can’t relate, but you do you, boo! Set realistic expectations for yourself redefine success as needed to get your W’s.
Gratitude
If we don’t intentionally tell our brains what to look for, they will continue to show us what they think we want to see, which is always more of the same. Gratitude literally rewires your brain as you communicate, ideally in handwriting, what’s important to you. Focusing on positive emotions can trigger the release of calming hormones (oxytocin) and reduce the production of stress hormones (cortisol). It’s helpful to incorporate a daily gratitude practice into your life, even if just for a couple minutes, for an improved mood and a more regulated nervous system.
It’s not lost on me the way God has taken care of me during this transition, as well. On the days I felt the most overwhelmed, a cancellation or no show never ceased to arrive at the exact moment I needed it. I’m thankful that I never have to walk alone, and I’m grateful for all the ways God has taken care of me and carried me through.
💬 Tell me: What do you think about this list? Is there anything I missed that has been helpful for you? Let me know in the comments!
✅ Share this with a friend who’s going through a transition, or one who’s already knee-deep in one and desperate for some relief!
📣 Cheering you on in all your endeavors, new and old!
It’s not diabetes awareness month or anything, but education, especially in this case, saves lives. Here are the symptoms I’d attributed to other things:
Excessive thirst (this is the one I googled when I finally counted the number of times I was filling up her cup a day—8-10 times—and decided that wasn’t normal.)
Sleepiness (she had just turned 4, and I was honestly thankful she was taking such long afternoon naps still!)
Increased appetite (she’s having a growth spurt)
Bed-wetting (she had been dry at night since she potty trained at 2, but for probably a month prior to her diagnosis, she started wetting the bed again. I thought it was strange, but I know kids regress sometimes so I figured it was a temporary blip.)
Yeast infection (she’d never had one before, but she’s a girl and girls get them, and I thought she was probably wiping incorrectly)
Slow-healing/infected sores (I didn’t know why that was, but I didn’t think it was diabetes)
Weight loss (I only noticed this after I suspected diabetes, and upon seeing her dancing around with her shirt off that night, I realized the little belly that had stuck out over her tutu just a couple months before was gone.)
There might have been more, but these were the red flags I know I missed in hindsight. Also, when keytones build up in the bloodstream to the point of ketoacidosis, a life-threatening complication that can lead to coma or death, it can present like the stomach flu. If there is any suspicion whatsoever of diabetes, you should always check blood sugar levels with a simple finger poke.
I also want to add that transitions can be harder for neurodivergent folks, and that’s probably because some research suggests that ADHD itself involves difficulties in regulating the nervous system, particularly the autonomic nervous system (ANS).
It’s a part-time life coaching job, and I’m really excited about it! I went from seeing a few clients a week to a total of 15 this past week, so it’s been quite an adjustment! 🤪 But I love the people I get to work with, and I’m excited about helping them reach their goals and building a wealth of experience in the process.